


Himchan and Daehyun go to a Porn Shop

by almostblue (fictionalaspect)



Series: B.A.P short fics [15]
Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: Crack, Gen, HimDae, Himchan is a good hyung, Humor, I Don't Even Know, Pabo Daehyun, Sex Toys, no really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-03-02
Packaged: 2018-01-14 06:29:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1256263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalaspect/pseuds/almostblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what it says on the box.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Himchan and Daehyun go to a Porn Shop

**Author's Note:**

> I may have written this in like 20 minutes flat and it may have been all [andnowforyaya](http://archiveofourown.org/users/andnowforyaya/pseuds/andnowforyaya)‘s fault because she started talking about how hilarious it would be if HimDae went to a sex shop and I _died_.

"Hyung, look!" Himchan whips his head around to see that Daehyun is holding up a large, bright orange dildo. He waves it around so that it jiggles, grinning widely.

This is not going to end well.

"Don’t—" Himchan starts to say, but he’s interrupted by Daehyun’s obnoxious voice, loud enough so the entire store can hear him. "I THINK THIS ONE IS BIGGER THAN YOUR DICK, HYUNG!"

Himchan groans, sipping on his Americano for moral support before marching over and firmly pulling Daehyun away from the dildo aisle. “You promised,” Himchan hisses, resisting the urge to growl at Dae’s smug, self-satisfied expression. “You _promised_. You said you wanted to go to a sex shop for your birthday, and I said I would go with you. _As long as you didn’t make us look like idiots_.”

"Oh come on, hyung," Daehyun says, laughing as he pulls his wrist back. Himchan doesn’t miss the faint blush on his cheeks, or the way he absent-mindedly massages his wrist with his other hand. "No one in here cares. They’re all ten seconds from jacking off anyway." 

"No, they aren’t," Himchan says, shoving Dae in front of him and marching him to the back of the store. "Because this is not a cheap porn shop. I have standards. If anyone is ten seconds from jerking off, it’s _you_.” 

"Whatever," Dae says, looking with interest at the display in front of them. He picks up a blue plastic object that Himchan is 90% sure is a vibrating anal toy. Or something. It’s one of those fancy new age ones that kind of looks like someone decided to make a model of their kid’s playdough creation. "What’s this one for?"

"It’s for sticking up your ass," Himchan informs him, trying to keep a straight face. Daehyun’s eyes, if possible, get even bigger. "I think it vibrates. You stick it up your ass and it vibrates." 

Daehyun’s mouth falls open, but nothing comes out. 

Himchan snickers. “I told you, there’s more to male sex toys than fleshligh—”

"You stick it _up your ass_?” Daehyun interrupts, looking both amazed and petrified. “Like. Like gay guys do?”

Himchan can’t resist the urge to cackle. “Yes,” he says. “Because your prostate doesn’t care if you’re gay or not.” 

"Prostate?" 

Himchan snorts, biting his lip so he doesn’t just lose it at Daehyun’s expression. As soon as Daehyun’s not paying attention, he’s taking pictures. This is blackmail _gold_.

"Look," Himchan says, pointing over Daehyun’s shoulder. "There’s a helpful chart. Go read it." 

"It has dicks on it!"

"Yes. You have a dick. Therefore this chart is for you. Congratulations."

"I thought there were going to be tits," Daehyun says weakly, dutifully standing in front of the large chart which explains male anatomy and how things work and what types of toys go where. "In the movies, it’s always just magazines and lots of tits."

"That’s the other side of the store," Himchan says. 

"Oh." 

"I tried to point it out to you, and you got distracted by a giant orange dildo." 

"Oh."

"Which, by the way, is not only for women." 

"Hyung," Daehyun says weakly. "If I pass out, you’ll catch me, right?"

"Probably," Himchan says, sipping on his coffee. He frowns when he suddenly sucks on ice and air. Dammit. He’s still thirsty. "But I might put some dicks on your face and take pictures before I wake you up. Just saying." 

Daehyun whimpers.

"Anyway, happy birthday!" Himchan says, grinning evilly and clapping him on the shoulder. "I’ll be in the vibrating ass-toys aisle if you need me." 

"HYUNG!"

Himchan dissolves into helpless laughter. Daehyun looks deeply distressed. “Fine,” Himchan says, tugging on Daehyun’s hand. “Just stay with me. We can go back and start from the beginning and I’ll tell you what everything is.” 

"Okay."

"As long as you promise not to shout when I explain it to you."

"Okay, hyung." 

—

"HYUNG, THAT GIANT DICK GOES _WHERE_?”


End file.
